On a dark street in London, I saw a shimmer in the air
And I see this police box that didn't ought to be there
So I slipped throught the doorway—thought I'd just look inside
Then I noticed that this little box was much bigger in than outside

There he stood at the console, a long scarf 'round his neck
A metal dog was beside him. I just said "What the heck?"
"How d'ya do?" said the tall man. "I'm The Doctor, that's K–9"
My head was spinning and I answered back, "You got a dog at the Five and Dime?"

(chorus)
We tuned in just to watch Doc and the TARDIS
Many different guys (many different guys) a blue box besides
But we don't understand why you dropped Doc and the TARDIS
Any time of year, now you can't find it here…

While I hung with The Doctor, strange sights did I see
Plastic trash bags on hangers, lots of views of quarries
Rubber suits by the truck load—black and silver and green
Pepper shakers with an attitude, lots of extras who screamed

But the worst was this weird guy, bearded and dressed in black
Didn't much like the Doctor—tried to kill him, in fact
That's annoying at best, but what really got me quite pissed
Was every time this guy would finally hatch a plot, it was always ME he just missed

So I said to The Doctor, "What time is it, please?"
He said, "That hasn't been too clear 'round here since 1963"
And now there're voices that plead every day
Calling up the local BBC and PBS just to say

(chorus)

Just as I tried to get out, I heard the Cloister Bell
And I got worried when The Doctor said "Oh, bother—NOW what the hell?"
The Doctor dashed through a back door, I followed lickity–split
I think we passed the same spot fifty times—point of fact, I got sick...

Last thing I recall, I was trying to find the door
I'd gotten lost in the Zero Room and couldn't find the floor
And the Program Masters whisper from that long sought prime time spot
"What you Pledge doesn't matter—Red and Green we've got, a Blue Box, we've not"

(chorus)

…instrumental…

We'll come back just to watch Doc and the TARDIS
Many different guys (many different guys) a blue box besides
But we don't understand why you dropped Doc and the TARDIS
If you want our green, bring back our Time
   (And Relative Dimensions In Space) machine…